I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
