I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
