Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
