I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
