my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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