Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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