So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
