He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
