I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
