it hurts more in the daytime
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
