finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
