Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
