I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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