disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
