You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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