god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
