Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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