Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was like eating out sand paper
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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