I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
