His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
