Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
