I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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