i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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