Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

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(212): View more from New York

Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.

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(254): View more from Texas

It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week

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(240): View more from Maryland

Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!

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