we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
