If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize