OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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