Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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