sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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