I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
