its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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