I wannas sexs uuuuu
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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