Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
