so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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