Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
