SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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