I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
