I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
