Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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