Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
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listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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