I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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