Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
