Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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