she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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