READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
