I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
