hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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