It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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