his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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