I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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