I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
