just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
