Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
