Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
