I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize