I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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