the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
