He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
