I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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