Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
