can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
