so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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