I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dignity is for republicans.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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