he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
