Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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