So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just gargled with NyQuil
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
