i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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