Don't make out with my wife yet
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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