Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
