and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
