First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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