i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
