I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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