Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
