I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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