dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude. I can hear the air.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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