I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
