6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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