I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you made out with another girl for some wings
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
