I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
