Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
