Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
